You’ve Got Mail, Jane Stewart

January 14, 2010

A few days ago I received a lovely package in the mail.  My first wedding planner from H2B’s sister!  She thoughtfully sent me Martha Stewart’s wedding planning book, a Martha’s Wedding magazine, a cards saver, and a honeymoon journal.  There’s a running joke in the family that I’ve become Jane Stewart.

Backstory.

I remember when I used to live at home before I turned 16, when my mom would cook delicious dinners every night.  Since then, I’ve lived in dorms and apartments, surviving on freezer food and cereal.  A cafeteria on good days.  For 7 years I did this.  My favorites have changed with time, of course.  It started with Hot Pockets, then a slew of White Castle mini burgers after inspiration from Harold & Kumar, then Hungry Man XXL for the especially tough days of studying.

My roommate was even stranger.  A can of baked beans (that’s it).  A plate of cucumber with weird Korean sauce, tofu, and chips.  Boiled edamame with salt.  Ok the last one is pretty good, but I can never do just beans.  This was when we shared a dorm cell.

One day my dad gave me some fatherly advice.  “You need to learn to cook.  Otherwise, you’ll never get married.”

So I tried my hand at cooking.  Frozen tilapia burnt seared with the all purpose italian seasoning.  Cabbage on the side.  Overly baked salmon with grated cheese on top.  My dinner partner asked me what I was thinking.  I’m really not sure, I thought I saw it done like that somewhere.  Probably not.

One Valentines Day long ago, I made an ex-boyfriend Shake N’ Bake chicken.  Yeap.  I was pretty proud of myself at the time.  Putting all standards aside, it was a crowning achievement for someone who didn’t touch raw meat.

Present day.

Fast forward a few years, I meet H2B who woos me with fetticini alfredo not from a bottle and sesame seed seared tuna.  How can I compete?  Luckily, I didn’t have to.  He accepted me for my lack of culinary talent.  As long as I keep complimenting his food.

All was well until the first Thanksgiving with his family.  They are a bunch of good cooks and I was quick to take my place as dishwasher.  It’s bad when the new girlfriend can’t chop an onion to save her life.  So there I stayed, as a dishwasher, until I became quite good at it.

Then somehow in the last few months I’ve blossomed from a caterpillar into “a cook.”  An acceptable one, who can follow recipes except when teaspoons are confused with tablespoons.  Seriously the difference between the tiny etching of TSP and TBSP on little measuring cups are minute.  All hail the metric system.

M2B has much to do with this transformation.  I suppose she agrees with my dad somewhat ;).

Anyway, here’s the package in all its glory!

Thank you!

— love, Jane Stewart

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5 Responses to “You’ve Got Mail, Jane Stewart”

  1. Jessica Says:

    gotta love those wedding books!

    haha, yes you’ve been lucky to have people teach you as well as have the time to learn!! cooking is a lot of fun! now i’m trying to learn how to make some chinese food with my mom…

  2. M2B Says:

    Jane, we are all very proud of your new culinary skills, not to mention your crafting and sewing talents. You wow us in some way everyday!! From my heart welcome to our family.

  3. alice Says:

    Hey now, I ate weird in college, but I still ate semi-balanced. You should see me now. Still microwave-cooking heavy, but now I steam veggies in the micro instead of canned beans. :o)

    I’m proud of you Jane Stewart. But honestly, not surprised. You’ve got a knack for tackling totally un-Jane things and turning them into talent. You always have. Except for when it comes to U.S. geography. Montana?


  4. […] aside, or rather a continuation of my previous post here.  H2B likes to sing a little song every time he sees me eat a Hot Pocket.  Over the course of 2 […]


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