Compatibility Quiz

February 20, 2010

In 2.5 years of dating, H2B and I have never once taken a relationship quiz.  Now that we are engaged to be married, it is high time to find out if we indeed get along.  To be determined by the Gottman Institute (the more reputable for internet quizzes as compared to collegehumor.com).

Here is the quiz that can be found on the Gottman Institute website, reproduced here.

How Well Do You Know Your Partner?

One of the most important features of successful couple relationships is the quality of the friendship. Do you know your partner’s inner world? Take the quiz below and fInd out.

1. I can name my partner’s best friends.
yes  no

2. I know what stresses my partner is currently facing.
yes  no

3. I know the names of some of the people who have been irritating my partner lately.
yes  no

4. I can tell you some of my partner’s life dreams.
yes  no

5. I can tell you about my partner’s basic philosophy of life.
yes  no

6. I can list the relatives my partner likes the least.
yes  no

7. I feel that my partner knows me pretty well.
yes  no

8. When we are apart, I often think fondly of my partner.
yes  no

9. I often touch or kiss my partner affectionately.
yes  no

10. My partner really respects me.
yes  no

11. There is fire and passion in this relationship.
yes  no

12. Romance is definitely still part of our relationship.
yes  no

13. My partner appreciates the things I do in this relationship.
yes  no

14. My partner generally likes my personality.
yes  no

15. Our sex life is mostly satisfying.
yes  no

16. At the end of the day my partner is glad to see me.
yes  no

17. My partner is one of my best friends.
yes  no

18. We just love talking to each other.
yes  no

19. There is lots of give and take (both people have influence) in our discussions.
yes  no

20. My partner listens respectfully, even when we disagree.
yes  no

21. My partner is usually a great help as a problem solver.
yes  no

22. We generally mesh well on basic values and goals in life.
yes  no

Astounding.  That was my reaction when it was all said and done (in <2 min, including reading aloud time).  If more than 1 of those questions were answered in the negative, I would not be comfortable marrying my partner.  Especially key questions such as “my partner respects me, yes or no?”  In my opinion, that question should be weighed a hair higher than “I can list the relatives my partner likes least.”

The only question I had trouble on was knowing the names of people who are irritating my partner lately.  H2B is a pretty happy and well-liked guy with no beef unless it is real beef.  I don’t suppose the gods that be who make him wake up at 4.30am count as people who are irritating him.  In any case, as far as I am concerned their names are “drill sergeant” and “chief.”

So in objectives scoring, mine is a 21/22.  Let’s see what the results mean (reproduced below).

15 or more yes answers: You have a lot of strength in your relationship. Congratulations!

8 to 14: This is a pivotal time in your relationship. There are many strengths you can build upon but there are also some weaknesses that need your attention.

7 or fewer: Your relationship may be in serious trouble. If this concerns you, you probably still value the relationship enough to try to get help.

This quiz highlights elements of what Dr. Gottman refers to as your “love map.” In his workshops, Dr. Gottman discusses the step-by-step process of making sure that you nurture your friendship with your partner. In a survey of 200 couples attending a weekend workshop, Dr. Gottman found that the best predictor of passion and romance in a relationship was…you guessed it…the quality of the friendship!

Geez, Dr. Gottman.  I must disagree with your scoring tactics.  This is what I would say.

18 or more yes’s (if none of the “no’s” deal with respect) — keep communicating and working on the relationship.  The foundation is good and happiness is on the horizon.

18 or more yes’s (if any of the “no’s” deal with respect) — stop, drop, and roll away in the middle of the night, never to return.  Irreparable harm has been done.

Anything less than 18 yes’s — you probably shouldn’t be friends.

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